The guides suggested that we do a post about discerning between being validated and self-love. This is something I have struggled with. I think the crux of it is that true self-love is constant, no matter how well our lives are going or how validated we are by society. Let’s see what the guides have to say about this topic.
Who will assist us with this question? Jacqui, a collective of Archangels that specialize in self-love, will assist us today. Beneath the question in italics is exactly what I hear from the guides, verbatim.
What is the difference between validation and true self-love?
Jacqui: This is a good question because humans often do not understand self-love so defining it in contrast to what it is not is a good way to understand it. We will start with the easier definition – validation. One feels validated when they have done something that is acceptable to society or their inner circle. So, there is happiness, a conditional joy, that comes with validation. I got good grades, this makes me happy because I am validated. I got a pay raise for a job well done at work, this makes me happy because I am validated. And on and on and on. So, it is not to say that when these things happen you weren’t in self-love, but it is hard to know you are in self-love, which succeeds self acceptance, unless something undesirable occurs. Let us say you lost your job involuntarily today. It is natural to feel bad about yourself and even to feel a certain level of disappointment. The key differentiating factor is how much do you blame yourself. If you can be in self acceptance that what occurred is for your highest good and that if something was taken away from you, something better must come along, you are on your way to self acceptance. If you can be grateful for the undesirable event that occurred and understand on the onset that it is for your highest good, perhaps because you didn’t like your job anyway but could not leave because of the security it gave, that is self-love. It is not necessary to go through undesirable events to understand self-love but it is easier because of the contrast it provides. Validation is conditional joy. It brings happiness that is conditioned on an event occurring. True self-love is not conditioned on an event happening. Whatever life brings you, both perceived to be desirable and undesirable to the personality self, you can love or accept yourself unconditionally. The more you can be grateful for all that occurs to you, good and bad, the more self-love you are holding in your heart chakra.
How can we shift more into true self-love versus needing validation? As humans, it’s natural to want to be validated because we are a species who want to achieve. We are also a social species, so wanting the acceptance of our inner circle is natural to us. Am I right in these assumptions? If so, how can we balance the urge to want validation and the innate need to be in self-love to be in our soul-centered truth?
Jacqui: We wish to correct some of your assumptions before we answer your core question. On some level, yes, humans do have an innate need to meet the learnings of their blueprint, to achieve their soul lessons. Sometimes, this is in line with human achievement or earth achievement but sometimes it is not and humans sabotage themselves because they are fixated on or playing out a past life fragment. This topic is an entire post for another time. So, yes, when you are in your soul centered self, it is natural to want to achieve the contents of the blueprint. The trick here is in discerning if you are fixated on a soul fragment acting out a past life trauma or you are truly tuned in to your soul-centered self.
The next assumption is correct to a degree. You are social animals, but when you are in your soul centered self, you do not want external acceptance for the sake of external acceptance. Yes, humans are always happier when they are accepted by their inner circle, but when you are in your soul centered self you do not need it as if you are going to die if you are not “in-line” with your inner circle.
So, this partially answers your question. How can you be more in self-love? To be more in self-love, you must be more in self acceptance. To be more in self-acceptance, you must tune in to your soul centered self, and this can be hard if there is a soul fragment that is taking over your life.
How can we tune in more to our soul centered self? How do we know if we are tuned in to a soul fragment playing out past-life karma?
Jacqui: Good question. The short answer is attachment. When you need something, when you are rigid in that need – it must be this way or I can’t cope with it – that is likely attuned to a soul fragment playing out a karmic lesson unsuccessfully. That is, they are not in expansion, they are likely in contraction because they are giving more energy and power to a karmic lesson. As humans, you need to transmute karmic soul lessons not repeat them and empower them. Do you see this? When you are playing out a karmic lesson from the past, then you are giving it power and likely contracting yourself as an energy.
You are in your soul centered truth when you are unattached. You know this is the case when either outcome is acceptable to you. We know it is hard for humans to be this unattached, but this, in fact, is the goal of expansion. You are in joy, which is not conditioned on some outcome. You feel peace in your heart and joy in your mind. You are in soul centered truth and know that the universe is always conspiring in your favor, no matter your perception of the outcomes of your life.
How can we be less attached to outcomes? It’s natural to want good grades or to get a promotion. It’s also natural to want to not fail or get fired. How can we work hard and still be unattached to the outcome?
Jacqui: The process of becoming unattached is the process of ascension. One way to ascend is to meditate. We know humans hear it time and time again, but if more time was dedicated to meditation, Earth would expand much more rapidly. Meditation ascends because it calms the nervous system enough so that you can discern your soul centered truth. When you are discerning your soul centered truth, you can analytically understand why undesirable outcomes are happening and more importantly, you have an understanding of how to reverse the undesirable outcome. That is, there is a knowing that comes from deep meditation of how to transmute karmic soul lessons. When you successfully transmute karmic soul lessons, your attachment to outcome substantially diminishes. So, being in this level of discernment, that can often be facilitated by deep meditation, is a good way to shed attachment to a particular outcome.
I think there has been a lot of information offered here. I think this is a good place to close this post. Any last messages for readers of this post?
Jacqui: Not being in self-love is not a sin. That is, do not berate yourself for not being in self-love. Simply give yourself self-love in the moment of your loathing. We know it is hard, but if you cannot get to self-love, you can always get to self acceptance. Do you see this? If you cannot be grateful for an outcome, then be in acceptance of it. One of the fastest ways to foster self-love is to write three things down every day that you are grateful for. The more grateful you are, the more expanded the heart chakra becomes.
Thank you very much for your time and energy!
Jacqui: You are loved. You are loved. You are loved. When you need assistance, call on this energy for an infusion of divine love and it will be so. And so it is.
